5.7.08
1:15 AM:Recently in the life of me:I'm getting married. My fiancee's bff's sister in law is dying of cancer and has a short while to live. I've excommunicated my sister and mother, and they're not attending my wedding.
And that's that.
I'm marrying my soulmate. My only regret is that I had to wait 30 something years to have met her. Through a series of horrid relationships, through much suffering and triumph's I've finally met the one. She's perfect, and she's my everything and I love her without restraint, without doubt, and with the entirety of the core of my being.
Much time had passed, and I'd been single for so long, and quite lost and thoroughly miserable when she entered my life, this blindingly bright gem. The almighty himself must have heard my constant prayers, and it seemed so sickeningly sweet and delicious, my meeting of her. All of my past relationships pale in comparison, all of those girls whose names I now have erased from my life's browser history. So much time and resources squandered and wasted, chasing after girls who failed to deliver. Failed to recognize my worth, or to love me for me. Not for the illusion or the idea of me. Was I so horrible, so detestable that they couldn't see me? I didn't give a damn, and I still don't. Who were they to me anyways, or who rather were they to judge me with such harshness, as though they were superior human beings? And I'd thankfully put them in their rightful places.
26.6.08
10:22 PM:I refused to be embittered, or damaged and manipulated...especially from those who allegedly love me. Everyone totes that four letter word like they're some kind of self proclaimed authority on the subject of love, but all I see is just talk and scant action. I knew a person who didn't know a damned thing about love and represented nothing short of a blind lion that lashed out in a feeble attempt to hurt and crush anybody and everyone in her path. I had these poisoned souled haters in my life who did absolutely nothing to edify me in any shape or form, nothing to teach me, nothing in any helpful way did they aid my life in the slightest. In short, they wanted meat and potatoes from me but gave me excrement and expected me to eat it gladly. I wouldn't indulge them by hating them in return, in fact I muted their noise and silenced their echoing nonsensical drivel until all I could hear was the voices of those that were normal and not emotionally fucked up.This video always cheers me up...especially when feeling at my lowest. And it reminds me of my own sweetheart who's away right now in Boston.
Labels: videos
23.6.08
9:01 AM:I observed disconcertedly that there wasn’t shit to do and there wasn’t anything that offered much in terms of fun here. Everyone seemed so repugnant, not even possessing a scrap of interest…a dull sullen look in their eyes…alive but not alive. I hated those predictable fools, who always feigned a phony sense of decorum and politeness. It seemed that most people only perceived things from one perspective, themselves first and everyone else in a defined pecking order. This sameness was what gyrated on my nerves. I remember a time when people were interesting, and not these Stepford wives types with automated pre programmed responses, talking in a mimicked variation like a gay yuppie…because they somehow think that speaking as such somehow made them sound more sexy and sophisticated.I’m through pondering at the pool of popularity
No longer do I have the need to be right constantly
Or liked or loved and adored by nameless entitites
Nor harangue to hear myself preaching and prattling to the willing ears
Yeah I hated many things, sometimes people
But I even loathed my hatred of them
Looking all around me there was naught
Save lunatics and losers
Beings who spoke nothing significant
Even if I held a pistol to their head and
Threatened with convincing fanfare that
I was about to blow their friggin face off
They had nothing to offer, and nothing to teach
Hadn’t accumulated shit their own entire lives
But always spoke the loudest while saying nothing at all
Labels: Poetry
^^^^ I read this controversial post ^_^ and chuckled, thoroughly bemused. The guys a good writer, no doubt. Strangely that it turned out to be a rant regarding the blogger's take on Ad&d & RPG's.
But he does touch on some very real issues. How Americans have lost sight of ourselves, how we pursue wantonly nothing but delights to our senses, personal mindless decadence and instant non lasting gratification. Lets face facts, if gratification were lasting we wouldn't need constant fixes and therefore, wouldn't need what some out there delude themselves into thinking that they do.
21.6.08
11:58 AM:I called up a few nightclubs yesterday afternoon , trying to pitch an idea for them to do some cool shit with their websites. Not quite the responses I was hoping for. Seemed like I was dealing with highly retarded individuals…why in hells name they even answer the blasted phones is even more baffling. The girl who handles Vision and Excalibur’s incoming calls sounded as if she couldn’t be bothered…I imagined she was applying nail polish or some shit. Me: “Hi, can I talk to someone in your marketing department? Or someone in charge of promotions” dumb girl: “Uh, I’ll give you our corporate office number” in a real detached voice. I envisioned myself emerging out of her phone and throttling her into a state of awakeness.Then I busied myself cleaning my crib spic and span. No, that’s not a racial joke. I cleaned it beyond cleanliness. It’s not as if it were a filthy pigsty and I had cleaned it up real good just a week ago but as you can only imagine dust accrues with quickness. And to top it off some pest control dude had to come in and set some live traps up because there’s reportedly a mouse sighting in our new condo complex somewhere. The new black chick in the garden unit two flights below had reported it. Something the geniuses that ran this whole monstrous real estate project hadn’t foreseen. I thought I’d like this place better when it eventually filled up, but I found it just the opposite. I had an aversion to the people here, I didn’t like them much. I didn’t hate them, I just had nil feelings towards them. Most of them tended to be rather homogenized. If they weren’t yuppies they were gay, or even gay yuppies. I don’t enjoy narrowing and categorizing people here but I don’t have to, they do it to themselves. If they aren’t yups they’re those diehard liberals who adorn themselves with a shitload of tattoos and piercings to conceal their painfully obvious identity crisis. Now these peeps I can’t stomach…you know the types? ‘Oh, I love your tattoo….oh, that’s a tight piercing….oh, I just got this new tattoo!’…you’re so friggin original and unique that I want to vomit all on you pieces of regurgitated excrement. Most guys I see here and there sported a shitload of these stupid adornments, grew beards and looked not so dissimilar to common street trash because they thought it made them all that much cooler. I wondered if anyone really liked them for who they were. I wondered if they even liked themselves. You know the types, the ones who think it’s so cool when a bum graffiti tags their name with urine on their front porch.
For lunch I grilled marinated tilapia I’d left overnight in the fridge, and realized while eating it that I was becoming slightly bored of fish…I had the mind of eating some strange exotic meat, like wild boar or something. There’s a very finite selection of meats at most places here. Fish, pork, steak, chicken, at the rarest is lamb. I suddenly remembered that huge fillet of Blue Marlon I enjoyed in Boracay…which Japanese covet lustfully because of its deliciousness. Them japo’s serve it like it’s the rarest fish, and there I was in the Philippines having a euge steak of it…basking in my Americanism.
I sat on the balcony drinking chamomile green tea and furiously trying to write something remotely interesting. I penned a few poems but hated what I’d written, though I persisted I knew it wasn’t a good time to get all poetic…it’s always a certain frame of mind that I’m in when it detonates internally, that damning sensation to get all artsy fartsied out as opposed to geeked out.
I went to the park, and ran. I ran, not jogged…and I ran fast…so very fast. I was startled at how fast I could run. I hadn’t ran like this since I was young. It synergized me, and I felt alive…I felt a cheap thrill, and I knew I’d feel it more when I woke up. People were emerging out of the park field-house at Chase park where some free concert was just ending. I stopped, out of breath and proceeded to the liquor store and got a case of harps and some cigarettes. Yeah, I’m a health nut like that.
19.6.08
1:10 PM:
Made this today, a template for anyone out there wanting one...with a ajax powered navigation and footer. Just going to be building a series of these suckers for peeps to leech off of here and enjoy...make porn sites with it for all I care! :P and feel free to give me some mad love.
Labels: free templates
On April 9th International Olympic Committee (IOC) President Jacque Rogge said that, despite widespread protests, he has no plans to cut short the Olympic torch relay. The Tibet Autonomous Region’s (TAR) Chairman Qiangba Puncog stated in Beijing: "We will fully prepare for it and the Olympic torch relay in Tibet will be a complete success". In an ominous warning against protests, he threatened: "If someone dares to sabotage the torch relay in Tibet and its scaling of Mount Everest, we will seriously punish him and will not be soft-handed”.
China’s torch relay – titled “journey of harmony” – is still scheduled to go through Tibetan areas including Lhasa, parts of Amdo and Kham. The Chinese government is also determined to take the torch up Mount Everest on the Tibetan side in a callous attempt to legitimise its baseless claims to sovereignty over Tibet.
The torch will go through areas where thousands of Tibetans, who protested peacefully in March, are being imprisoned, many suffering torture. The torch may very well cover ground where the blood of Tibetans has recently been shed.
Parading the torch in front of the repressed people of Tibet would be an abhorrent sight, showing contempt for human rights and the Olympic ideal.
By insisting the Olympic torch be carried through Tibet, China wants to show the world and its own citizens that Tibet is part of China. The torch, which is supposed to be the symbol of peace and harmony among nations, must not go to Tibet where a military lockdown is taking place. Bringing the torch to areas where protests have been crushed is surely going to escalate the situation and provoke further protests. That would lead to more arrests, torture and bloodshed, linking the torch and the IOC with Tibetan deaths.
The IOC’s next executive meeting is taking place in Beijing on April 10th and 11th. It is expected that it will make a decision about the troubled torch route.
I guess that the Rape of Nanking hasn't instilled in China a sense of compassion and overall human niceness.
Scanned this out of National Geo. It's an abandoned house. There's something alluring about such places...it draws you in, all the mystery, the untold story. Baffling that such places exist in the states.
An abandoned schoolhouse in Gayscoyne, N.D.
A torn page out of a textbook flutters in the breeze from a broken window. The lesson reads:
Write the other word for CRY, AFTER, BAD, ALWAYS, GOOD-BY, LOST, and DARK
An abandoned car, left behind and forgotten about.
Mott, N.D.
"Rufus Svihovec, Bohemian. He was an awful heavy drinker, married once, the wife died. He went to the old-folks home in Mott, and he died there" says Gilmer Anderson, a 87 y.o. farmer of the former occupant.
18.6.08
7:37 PM:
Google hoes: looking for some action? Just goto Google maps and click on 'hoes' for a listing of hot and able bodied babes...what will Google think up next? Oh wait, the genius geeks haven't...yet.
So chicks need to register their cellphones and be findable on a GPS type system sponsored by Google of course...then the love can commence...digital pimp here hard at work as always.
Labels: art of love
I live in Uptown, and it has a reputation for being a seedier sector of the city...but whatever...that's something of a gross misnomer. This area is being yuppified by the second. I could set up a ticker displaying how many yuppies by the minute move here. Condo's errected seemingly overnight, and the many charming divebars with their native persona's have been bought out and given a Jenny Jone's makeover.
But it really is a strange place, far stranger than any other area in the city by far. Of course, every wannabe Chicagoan can argue the point but who cares...it's my take on it.
Racially it's been likened to one of the most diverse hoods in the entire country at one point. I wonder what other place has taken the mantle but its pretty true. Palestinians here, an Assyrian church at the end of my block, little Saigon (Vietown) just a few blocks away. A racially mixed up freakazoid like myself hailing from a racial hotpot like uptown, well it fits. But it probrably attributes to why I'm so accepting of people from very different ethnicities from myself. It might not seem rare, but despite its many representative minorities Chicago retains a suprisingly small minded and segragated attitude, subtle and not at once easily detected. But I've been to the east coast and have dwelt there. One thing I do like about New York city over the Windy City is its people. They're a tinge bit more sophisticated and even sociable on some level, or maybe it's just a flawed take on things. I wasn't out there that long after all.
I went to Nicks last night, my hoods equal to The Reagle Beagle, right across the street from Harry Ass Truman College. I hated that president with a passion. Why? He was a stupid country backwater hick with delusions of grandeur, oh and he was a total hater. He hated General Mc'Arthur who was a bad mofo. If the stupid prez hadn't fired Mc'Arthur, North and South Korea wouldn't have been divided. That crazy bastard wanted to invade China. He was such a military genius he very well could have. Of course not many peeps know this. It makes my blood boil that the younger gen of dipshit South Koreans don't even realize the extreme significance and sacrifices the U.S. has made on their behalf. They would've gotten raped and pillaged by the commies if it weren't for us.
Inside, I saw a few peeps I didn't know too well, regulars of this seedy dive. I shoot a game of pool and down a few beers. Some loud obnoxious yuppie's gloating in an annoying tone about how he just sunk the 8 ball in on the break like he's a big ole pimp. He even bought me a cheap beer cos he thought it bothered me. Inwardly I was mocking him, like I really give a hot fart about a game of pool...and dude how can you be so small minded to even think that, you sniveling little idiot!!! Then there was this black girl who I knew who was there with her boyfriend who's a security guard at Truman. I left but saw her the other night walking back to my crib. She told me some drunk Chinaman and a Transvestite had entered the bar once I left in and bought her a drink then the Chinese guy fisted her boyfriend in the ass. "Only in uptown!" I said, laughing.
Once, as I walked past Truman I saw a old homeless lady swinging her arms up and down like she was a bird in mid-flight, taking a shit on the sidewalk in plain sight. The area around the bar is usually full of petty little hustlers, cheap crooks, crackwhores, beggars and piss poor pandhandlers. Most of them live in this low rent hotel right under the el station. Sometimes I imagine myself with an RPG firing a nice missile into the place just to see it go up in flames. In this self indulgent dream-vision I'm laughing hysterically and drinking vodka straight. Also puffing on a fat internet bought Cuban cigar.
I smuggled some Cubans out of Heathrow airport into O'Hare once. My dad smoked them, and he said they aren't all that. Big gratitude considering I could've gotten in trouble with such contraband! My efforts are never appreciated.
One homeless guy comes up to me and says 'Yes I'll be your panhandler for the evening, I'd like to deprive you of any excess change so I can go get my drink on' and I gave the guy a buck because he made me chuckle. Another bum came up to me and said 'Excellent taste in women my friend' and he said it in such a humorous way I dumped several of those nifty gold dollar coins into his grubby hands.
Sign outside my local liquor store: "We cater to all your Spirit-ual needs"
Being a martial artist, I have a natural disdain for guns...but, if I WERE a super sexed out spy (which I am, in an unofficial capacity at least) then this would be the piece for me...James Bond's signature weapon, the Walther P99.
Design details
The P99 uses an internal striker as opposed to an external hammer, with a red-painted striker tip that protrudes from rear of the slide when the gun is cocked, as well as a chamber loaded indicator on the right side of the slide. It also features four internal safeties, sights adjustable for both windage and elevation, tool-less takedown, accessory rail, interchangeable grip backstraps of varying sizes for different users, and an ambidextrous magazine release incorporated into the trigger guard. Some variations also feature a decocking button.-Wikipedia
Redesign
A redesigned P99 was presented in 2004, incorporating a modified trigger guard that eliminated the "ski hump", which is clearly visible in the accompanying images. This was done to address some users' comfort concerns regarding the previous style. Walther also took the opportunity to redesign the slide so the user could grip it more easily, and notably, change the proprietary accessory rail to a Weaver type. Some models built in 2005 and all later models received one more design change, an elongated magazine release.
Labels: Toys for Designers