Another strange dream. I was walking at the park by my old digs in Bucktown late during a warm summer night. I saw some people at the far end of the park as I was idly walking in their general direction. As I looked closely I saw that the man looked very familiar...it was Alex Trebek...what in the hell was he doing around here? It was kind of strange. He was talking with somebody, his wife? And the woman he was with was faceless, like somebody put a motion blur effect on her. I couldn't see her face, and it was maddening. I wanted to run up to her and thrash her, but I restrained myself. They were talking about God and the Devil and about how much they hated telemarketers who called them. I think I heard this faceless woman speaking in Klingon, or Russian...not sure which.

"She must be one ugly byiatch" I said to myself, laughing at my own comment. I really loved this park...

"You little shithead!" Alex snarled in a pissed off rage at me, and it took me by surprise. He unleashed his mean looking poodle after me, which I started to laugh and mock...'What a gay looking chiwawa' I said smugly...but the damned creature suddenly transformed itself into a big ass Great Dane, a dog I'd feared when I was a little brat... and it came sprinting across the field towards me with alarming speed, obviously wanting to bite a big meaty pound of flesh out of my perfectly sculpted ass...drool and spittle flew from its mouth in deep anticipation of eating me.

As the big ass stupid looking mutt got near me I suddenly yanked out a huge katana and proceeded to cut all four of the beasts legs out from underneath it with one very skilled finishing move. For some reason I felt like I was a real life character in some dungeons & dragons type of video game. Alex was strangely roaring at me in Korean, and then started to tell me answers to questions I couldn't quite get. "You speak Korean?" I asked him, suddenly sheathing my bloodied blade into a scabbard...the dog's blood hadn't stained this oversized ginsu knife. In the background I heard the Jeopardy theme song playing..."Yeah fuck Who want's to make a deal! Let's get it on!" I howled stupidly. The faceless woman Alex was walking with suddenly leaped up, inspired by my enthusiasm she high fived me.

"You don't watch my show anymore, do you kid?" Alex asked with a slight tinge of sadness evidenced in his voice. I felt very guilty all of a sudden, because honestly I did stop and I wondered to myself why I felt so dark guilty about it...this smug little bastard's just a game show host. Maybe secretly deep down I always wished I had a dad like Alex, who knows lotsa kooky sheit and gets paid boku bucks for knowing it...or just reads the teleprompter so well he's conned himself into thinking that he's smarter than yoda.

The dog was slowly bleeding on the ground and whimpering. The faceless blurred out woman knelt over him and was doing something to him. She began drenching the dying dog in charcoal lighter fluid and asked me if I had a light in a weird voice..."I quit smoking" I explained to her....the smell of lighter fluid was off...it smelled like a beer fart. Alex's usually kind eyes glared at me and he pointed at his dying dog and roared 'Finish him!' like he was a Samurai or something. I tossed the sword to the ground and yelled "You finish him he's your stupid dog you blithering fool!"

Then I woke up....wanting to watch some Jeopardy all of a sudden.

Labels: dreams